could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
