Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
