the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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