no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
