HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
