Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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