Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
