he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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