he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
