Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
