Do you still have your period?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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