Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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