WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
