His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
