oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
