He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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