and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
