what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
