I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
