is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
