sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
