So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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