i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
