Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize