The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Randomize