Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
