So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
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