why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize