You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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