she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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