been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
