the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize