Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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