Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
