Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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