she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
