worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize