is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
