Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
