once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
