So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
