alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
