i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
