Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
