ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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