I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
