i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
