New invention idea: vibrating tampons
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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