whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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