piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
