I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
