I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize