Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize