Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
