I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
