My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
