i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
