it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
