I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
