why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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