Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
