No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
