Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
