do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
