Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you didnt know i had herpes?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
