Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
