all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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