Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that š I went with "no"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dogās dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a āwater bottleā. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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